Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Walk

For the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about my breast cancer journey. It hasn’t been heavy on my mind, but I think it’s because my dear friend Cindy is training for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk to help bring an end to breast cancer. I posted Melissa Ethridge’s song again, “I Run For Life” on my Facebook. I’m not sure if anyone is listening, there haven’t been any comments but I love that song. It brings tears to my eyes every time I hear her sing it. Cindy went through breast cancer a year before I did. She was diagnosed at a higher level than I was and she had to go through chemotherapy with her treatment. I was fortunate to only have a lumpectomy and radiation therapy. I’ve mentioned before about the day I was diagnosed. I was alone at the doctor’s when I first learned it was “probably” cancer. Then, I received the dreaded phone call to tell me that it was “definitely” cancer--February, 27, 2007. Charley was home with me. Jim was at work. Caleb was living in L.A. Cory was in Madagascar and Carey in Tennessee. Melanie and Mom were in Hawaii. I turned to Cindy and was so glad she was home when I called her. She came right over. She sat with me, talked with me, and told me I needed to let the family know. I was devastated, frightened, scared and afraid. (I know those words are all the same but that’s what I was feeling.) You see, I had always dreaded the word “cancer”. I had begged God more than once to keep cancer away from me. Why? Because I lost my dad and my brother to cancer. My brother was only 27 years old with a wife and almost 3 year old baby girl. He had melanoma. My father died a year or two later from pancreatic cancer. My grandmother died of cancer and my sister has had melanoma removed. So you see, it runs in the family. Well, with support from friends and family, I made it through those first few days of decision making--doctors, surgeons, hospitals, treatment, etc. Susan was there for me as well. What a prayer warrior she is. All of the email notes I received over the next few days were printed and added to my journal that I took to the hospital with me. Those notes of prayers and encouragement meant so much. And precious Sarah Kate and her family came to the hospital and she sang a song that touched me deeply. A nurse came in to pray for me. What a blessing. The doctors, nurses and staff were terrific. Radiation started a few weeks after I healed. That’s when I got my first tatoos. Actually they were just dots on the skin to show the radiologist where to shoot me with the radiation. I contemplated not going through with it, but I decided to go ahead. The techs were wonderful--Christians and easy to talk to. When you are going in weekly for several weeks, you become close. They were the same ones that Cindy had gone to. Today I’m 2 years, 9 months out and have an appointment on Monday with my oncologist. I’m on medication for 5 years which doesn’t really agree with me. The first year I was on one type of medicine which caused aching feet and hands. Now I’m on another with similar symptoms but has gone into my legs--the achiness that is. I’m laying off one of the meds to see if that helps. I’m sure I’ll get it from the doctor. On my 2 year anniversary from my diagnosis, I got my first real tatoo. It’s a pink ribbon on my right hand. I wanted people to see it and either ask or remember the fact that breast cancer is real. It also has my diagnosis date and C4 (C to the 4th power) which represents my four children whose names begin with a “C”. Of course, now they think their “old” mother is “bad”. Ha! I love it! Just wanted to share what’s on my mind and heart. Please remember Cindy. Remember those that have been touched by breast cancer in some way. Remember the survivors like myself. Remember those who have lost the fight. I won’t forget!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Take That Ride

---by Emmylou Harris

Don't you believe I loved you long enough
Didn't I try to give you all the right stuff
I hung around when the going got tough
Don't you believe I loved you long enough

Where were you when the world turned black
All those nights you never answered back
And I just asked you to cut me a little slack
Where were you when the world turned black

One of these days I'm gonna take that ride
Though there may be nothing on the other side
I'm too old for changing
My true blues have all been tried
One of these days I'm gonna take that ride

Don't believe it's time to let me go
The clock is winding down and I'm moving slow
I could keep on dancing but it's just for show
Don't you believe it's time to let me go

One of these days I'm gonna take that ride
Whatever's waiting on the other side
Had a little glory and I still got my pride
One of these days I'm gonna take that ride
One of these days I'm gonna take that ride
Oh don't you believe it's time to take that ride
Take that ride
Take that ride
Take that ride

Gold

---Emmylou Harris

Oh the night is growing colder
And the stars have lost their shine
And I have been forsaken
By everything I thought was mine
For in the darkest hour
When the final story's told
No matter how bright I glittered baby
I could never be gold

You gave up your finest treasure
For the one you saw in me
But how could I know the measure
Of all you needed me to be
Though I came with sweet intentions
More my pockets could not hold
No matter how bright I glittered baby
I could never be gold

I finally gave up counting
The ways you said I let you down
When I fell into that river of no return
And you watched me drown
Oh I could sparkle like a diamond
Have silver line my soul
But no matter how bright I glittered baby
I could never be gold

You looked so high and long for heaven
I tried so hard to show the way
But though I flew on wings of angels
My feet were always made of clay
I could come trailing clouds of glory
But you saw nothing to behold
No matter how bright I glittered baby
I could never be gold

No matter how bright I glittered baby
I could never be gold

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Concerts and Friends













Last weekend our dear friend Annelyse came to visit--all the way from Alaska. She was attending a conference here and stayed with us a couple of days. We had a great time. We were able to see Ginny Owens, Shawn Groves and Cindy Morgan in concert at our church to support The Well--a local food pantry. It was great.
The following is a song that Cindy Morgan sang that I just loved.


How You Live (Turn Up The Music)
Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken
Wear your red dress, use your good dishes
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes 
And have what you want
But want what you have
And don't spend your life looking back 

Turn up the music, turn it up loud
Take a few chances, let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it 

Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did, it's how you live 

So, go to the ballgames and go to the ballet
And go see your folks more than just on the holidays
Kiss all your children, dance with your wife
Tell your husband you love him every night 

Don't run from the truth
'Cause you can't get away, oh no
Just face it and you'll be okay 

Turn up the music, turn it up loud
Take a few chances and let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it 

Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did, it's how you live 

Oh, wherever you are and wherever you've been
Now is the time to begin 

So, give to the needy and pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you
So, think of your fellow man 

And make peace with God
And make peace with yourself, oh yeah
'Cause in the end there's nobody else 

Turn up the music, turn it up loud
Take a few chances and let it all out
'Cause you won't regret it 

Looking back from where you have been
'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did, it's how you live 

'Cause it's not who you knew
And it's not what you did, it's how you live